Is Reservoir Dogs a gangster movie for Sex and The City fans?

I have talked to my friends, male, female, straight and gay about the movie Reservoir Dogs and although I am a fan of Reservoir Dogs, it does seem to me that it is a gangster movie made for women and homosexual men.

And in article I aim to prove this.

The film starts with a bunch of gangster sitting around a table in a coffee shop. They are immersed in a conversation about what songs by Madonna are good and what ones are bad. Can anyone see something wrong here?

I’m a heterosexual male, I’d count myself masculine with a proportion of testosterone pumping through my veins, but not nearly enough to participate in holding up a diamond heist. And this is the reason I see several things wrong in this scene.

The first is this. In my life I have never witnessed men sitting around talking about whether songs by Madonna or any other female artist are good or bad. I have been part of conversations about whether we hump Madonna or other female artists.

I have never, nor would I ever, sit around talking about the songs of Madonna or any other female artist, for fear of being beaten severely by my fellow man.

Another thing wrong here is that real men do not hang out in coffee shops. They hang out in bars and/or strip clubs.

Men do not hang out in coffee shops talking about Madonna’s musical abilities. Women, teenage girls, students and homosexual men might, but not grown men.

My point her is that Reservoir dogs is made for gays, women and students, not grown men, and unfortunately we, the red blooded men, have fallen for it.

So what is Reservoir Dogs about and what is its real audience? What is not about is a bunch of gangster doing gangster shit. It’s about a group of latent homosexual men trying to escape their homosexuality through a mask of machoism.

Some people will say in the ‘like a virgin’ speech they talk about like a virgin being about a man humping a whore. No, this is their mask and when this is brought up they begin to talk about love. Another topic real men do not talk about.

I believe they all have engaged in some form of homosexual actity at least once and they are talking and thinking about what it would be like to enjoy that first time again.

After the Madonna debate, Samantha and her daughters get into their next topic of discussion. Tipping waitresses. Should this not be tapping waitresses?

In this scene, in an attempt to hide their homosexuality, a macho line is thrown. In this case, the line ‘you want her to take you out the back and show you a good time’ is followed by a chorus of laughter, before immersing themselves back into their real topic.

Realistically if the men started to talk about the waitress, it would be about whether they want to do her or not. What kind of shape her tits were. Would she go down on you. Would she be any good in bed. And if she was hot the men wouldn’t give a damn how many times she filled their cups of coffee. If she was hot they would all leave her a tip without discussing it.

When Joe, the only straight man, comes back to the table, he flips. He flips because being the only straight guy among them he feels that if they all don’t leave a tip someone will know that he is hanging out with a bunch of gays.

As just mentioned Joe knows all his men are gay and he’s not too happy about people knowing that. So in a piss-take moment on his behalf he chooses to give them all ‘macho’ aliases to call each other. All names that begin with Mister.

Who has ever heard of a real life gangster been called Mister. Gangsters names are names like Lucky luciano, Legs Diamond, Scarface, etc. Maybe it’s just me but I don’t ever recall a gangster going by the name of mister.

To paraphrase a line ‘you’re okay, Mr White, you’ve got a cool sounding name.’ In what circles is Mister White a cool sounding name? Maybe in the schoolyard when you’re five years old.

The irony of Joes joke is lost on them and once again our little bitches begin to squabble amongst themselves, this time about not liking their Mister names.

Real gangsters would not squabble about being gave an alias that starts with mister, they would stand up and say - ‘Hey Joe, what the f@##, we’re not in a girls primary school picking nicknames for a tea party, give us some proper aliases.’

Joe answers the question ‘Why am I mister pink?’ with the answer ‘Cos you’re a f#@#@ alright,' Its derogative I know, but we can see here that it’s pointed at all of them.

Now I want to compare this movie to a real mans movie. Rambo First Blood.

In First Blood John Rambo gets beaten, shot, jumps out off a cliff onto a tree and stitches himself up. In Reservoir Dogs Mr Orange gets shot, cries in the back of a car, while pleading to be brought to a hospital.

John Rambo throws a rock at a helicopter killing the local psycho cop who’s trying to kill him. Mr Orange shoots and kills an innocent woman who’s trying to protect herself.

Which one of these men would you fit into the Macho category?

Mr White tells Mr Orange he can go ahead and cry because he’s been brave enough for one day. He was on look out, he shot and killed an innocent woman and now he’s crying like a little girl. In what dictionary does it say that these are the actions of a brave man?

Now we arrive at the gayest scene in the movie. Here Eddie meets Vic for the first time since Eddies release form prison. ‘I see you but I don’t believe it’ starts of this gay porn scene before we go head first into Eddie describing all kinds of sexual fantasies he wishes he could indulge in in prison.

They then proceed to indulge in a sport many say is the most homoerotic sport of all. Wrestling. A scene that has Eddie and Vic bent over the table, not leaving much up to the imagination.

Eddie then says to his ‘Daddy’ ‘did you see that daddy, he tried to f#@# me.' This causes Joe to flip. It’s bad enough for old school homophobic Joe to be working with so many homosexuals, but that he knows his son is and having it so openly thrown in his face is another thing. So Joe yells at them to stop.

Also what kind of a grown man calls his dad ‘Daddy’? ‘I’ve talked to daddy and he’s pissed.’ ‘Wait till daddy gets here.’ ‘Wait till Daddy hears me calling him Daddy, he’s going to, like, totally lose it.’

The torture scene in Dogs is another scene that doesn't leave much to the imagination.

It starts with men opening up the booth of the car, followed by a chorus of laughter when they see the cop. They are all oh so happy and are wondering who will be the lucky one to be left with the cop.

They all proceed to spit on him showing a wish fulfilment.

Next scene he is tied to a chair and gagged. Enough said?

Mr Blonde is the lucky one picked to stay with the cop. This is met with much disgust from the others, whom are jealous, as they fear for the life of their newfound sex slave.

Alone, Mr Blonde slaps the cop, cuts off his ear and pours petrol over him. Do I really need to explain in detail this or any other scenes?

We all fell into the trap of thinking this was a masculine movie, but the reality is it’s a feminine movie.

If with all these examples I have not persuaded you about this movie, I will end this piece with some dialogue from the film to hopefully hammer in my point.

-Are you going to bark all day little doggie or are you going to bite?

-Someone has a red-hot poker up our a@#s and I want to know whose name is on the handle?

-What did Daddy say?

-You wanna throw bad looks somewhere, throw em in the mirror.

-You keep talking like a b#@#@ and I'm gonna slap you like a b#@#@.